When someone we love dies, life takes on a whole new set of challenges. It may be that the one we love has battled long and hard against an illness, or it could be that this has been a sudden loss which no one could have anticipated. Whatever the circumstances, no one can really prepare us for what it feels like. Very often people are arranging a funeral for the first time and it can feel daunting and overwhelming, but we will journey alongside you to guide and support you. At Kilmacolm Parish Church our Parish Minister, Rev Bryan and the congregation are ready and willing to assist you in any way we can. 

Who can ask for the Minister’s Help?

The short answer is – anyone. Because the Church of Scotland is a national church, anyone may call on the services of our Minister. This may be during a long illness, when life is ending, or in the immediate aftermath.

When do we call the Minister in?

Whenever you feel it may help. Very often, the Minister only knows a death has taken place when the Funeral Director calls. However, the Minister is always happy to be called to support a family during illness, and around hospital stays.

Do I need to be a member of the church to use the Church or ask the Parish Minister to conduct the funeral?

No. Kilmacolm Parish Church is a Parish Church. It is for anyone who lives in the Parish or has a family connection to the parish, and they may use the church for a funeral service.

How do we plan the funeral?

Occasionally, people make their wishes known in advance, and it may be that there is already a written plan, including hymns, for example. The Minister can even help with this pre-planning. Often, it is not until after the loved one has died that the family to wonder what to do. Many people begin by contacting the Funeral Director who will liaise with the Minister regarding availability. The Funeral Director will pass on your contact information and the Minister will phone to arrange a time to talk about the service. At the meeting you will be asked about important events in the family history; such as when your loved one was born; which schools they attended, first jobs, their relationships and so on. Listening to you talk about your loved one helps the Minister to picture them, tell their story and then choose appropriate music, readings, poems and prayers. We want to make this difficult time as bearable as possible. We will do all we can to support, care, and carry out your wishes at this time. Please contact the Minister if you have further questions.

Is there a difference between a service in the church or elsewhere?

The honest answer? The location! Our minister will conduct a service for your loved one with the same care and personalisation no matter where it is held. Sometimes it is right to have the service in the church as it was where the person attended or had an affiliation, other times it is due to the need for a large capacity. Equally for a small service our 13th century Murray Chapel can also work for people. If the funeral takes place entirely in the crematorium then the same elements of a service are experienced as if people were in the church. Whether in a church, crematorium, the back room of a pub, the golf course or at home, the service will be personalised for your loved one and all of the information on these pages will be the same no matter the location (including who might take part, music etc).

We don’t know many hymns, can you help?

Absolutely. The Minister will be happy to speak to you about this when you meet. To help in advance we have put together a booklet with a number of hymns to consider and alongside the words you can also listen to an excerpt of the tune. The booklet is available to download here. Please note that your funeral directors may speak to you about music but as the funeral is a service of worship (both in the church and at a crematorium) the Minister is required to ensure the choices are both appropriate and fit the flow of the service you hope for. 

Is it true that only civil celebrants or humanists can provide a ‘personal’ funeral service?

Absolutely not! The Minister will work with you to ensure that the funeral is reflective of your loved one and your families wishes. Kilmacolm Parish Church is part of the Church of Scotland which adheres to the Christian faith tradition. As such the service is religious with readings from the Bible, the Christian Scriptures, prayers to God and the commending of the soul of the departed to Jesus. The service can include poetry, a picture tribute, and personal tributes (or eulogy). The Minister will work with you to ensure the service is as personal as you want it to be.  

Can other people take part in the service?

Yes. The Minister is happy to speak to you about other people taking part in the service by reading a poem or the Bible reading. You may feel that you want to ask someone to lead a tribute to the person (although our Minister is a professional with many years of experience of writing personal tributes to those both known and unknown to him). If someone is asked to lead a tribute the Minister will speak to you about a time limit for the speech (as there are time pressures on travelling to the crematorium or graveside, as well as the other commitments of your funeral directors, the church building and the Minister). The Minister also insists that a copy of the tribute be emailed to him in advance of the funeral in order that information he shares as part of the service is not repeated unnecessarily. No matter the experience level of the individual concerned they are delivering the tribute collaboratively as part of a service of worship for which the Minister has legal responsibility, and it can be very different leading a tribute in a funeral for a close friend than it is a speech to shareholders, a board or even in parliament.

Do we need to have the service in the church to ask the Minister to lead the funeral?

No. Our Minister regularly conducts funerals in a crematorium only, however many people like a funeral in the village to accommodate those who cannot travel in attending but also honouring the place the person held as a member of the community. Some families wish the part of the service at the crematorium or graveside to be private for family only with the church service being open to all. It is also possible to hold the church service after the crematorium our graveside as a ‘Service of Thanksgiving’ which many families find less challenging emotionally on the day.

What about a small funeral where not many will attend?

Kilmacolm Parish Church seats several hundred people but it can also feel ‘well attended with a small number. However the ancient Murray Chapel in the church building is a separate space dating back to the 13^th century and can be used for services with up to 30 people attending.

What does it cost to use the church?

There is no fee for the use of the church although if you wish to make a donation towards the running costs of the church you can (speak to the Minister or your Funeral Director about this). There is a fee for the professional services of the organist which the Funeral Director will look after this for you. There is no fee for the services of the Minister.

What happens after the funeral?

We believe that when you invite the Parish Minister or the Parish Church to support you at a time of bereavement that we don’t just ‘leave you to it’ when the service is over and it is one of the aspects which sets churches apart from other bodies or private celebrants. You are a part of the Kilmacolm Church Family and as such we have a duty and desire to continue to support you in the months and years that lie ahead. We can support you through regular (or occasional) visits from people in the church or our Parish Minister (where appropriate); welcoming you to join us in worship on a Sunday morning where you will be introduced to other members of the congregation who will be delighted to have a coffee and chat with you; inviting you to come along to our SOLAS Drop In Bereavement Group on the second Thursday of each month at 2pm in the Kidston Hall where you will be meet others with similar experiences in a safe, friendly environment. You can come along on your own or bring a friend for company and support; inviting you to our Annual service for those who have suffered bereavement and loss which is normally held on a Sunday afternoon early in Advent.

Can we have sandwiches and tea in the hall afterwards?

The Kidston Hall is used by community and church groups but if available then it may be possible to book the hall and bring in caterers to provide for your gathering. Please note that it is the responsibility of the person hiring to arrange for tables and chairs to be laid out in advance and cleared away afterwards. You should speak to your Funeral Director and the Minister to enquire further.

I’m really struggling with grief. It feels overwhelming.

We are sorry to hear that. If you, or a family member, a neighbour or friend are struggling with grief then please just get in touch. Our Parish Minister will be happy to make a time to come and see you for coffee and a chat or you can come to him if that is easier for you. We also have our SOLAS Drop-in Bereavement Support Group which we encourage you to consider attending. We are here to help … just let us know how we can do that for you.

How do I get in touch & find out more?

Please call our Parish Minister, The Reverend Bryan Kerr if you wish to talk about this or any other matter. You can find contact details for Rev Bryan on our Contact Us page.